Attending an awesome women’s jiu-jitsu and climbing camp (Hips & Grips) in Las Vegas last weekend inspired me to write about women empowering women. I’ve discussed this with guests on my podcast, and it seems like we are seeing more of it, but to be honest I think it can still use some work. Hips & Grips had a group of about 10 women, almost all of us over the age of 40. What was great is that everyone really got along. That’s hard to accomplish, so big props to my friend Almine who put the whole thing together. She created a gathering that attracted the right balance of personalities and energies.
Unfortunately, this vibe feels like the exception rather than the rule. In my experience, women, sadly, can be the first ones to tear other women down. We know this starts at a young age (Mean Girls anyone). Boys are typically physical. When dudes are at odds, they tend to brawl it out and then it’s over. They don’t seem to hold on to things for too long. Women, however, are less prone to punch and more likely to just get very nasty with words and attitude. They say very cruel things that really hurt, that can cut deep. It’s very hard to experience, especially the seemingly senseless, unprovoked acts.
So, how do we flip that script? How do we, as women, rise above that drama? That’s not an easy question to answer, but I’ve found ways that work for me.
Now, I am not perfect, but throughout my career, I have felt that it’s been my mission to help people whether it’s through self-care, beauty, fitness, nutrition, or jiu-jitsu. I’ve always wanted to make people feel good about themselves and help empower them. After being in several toxic relationships, I went through my own journey dealing with depression, bad habits. Fortunately, I had a great support system, consisting of some amazing women. They really helped me find the courage and confidence to make changes and start becoming the woman I wanted to be.
Today, I think the world can be even more challenging for women. Negativity and bullying are amplified because of social media, which creates even easier ways for women to tear each other down rather than provide support and encouragement. The thing is, it’s just as easy to use these channels for good. If we work to understand why we are quick to throw judgment towards other women, we’ll probably realize that it has little to do with anyone personally. It’s more likely rooted in projecting our own fears and insecurities on others. Some of us never realize that, but those of us brave enough to examine our own feelings and thoughts, those who are honest with themselves, understand that we can’t allow our own struggles to be an excuse to treat others poorly.
Here’s a way to start flipping the script. Have you ever tried giving a compliment to another woman on the street, saying that they look great, that you love their hair, makeup, or something they are wearing? I spent my twenties managing a high-end retail cosmetics counter, and I found complimenting a woman’s appearance made her feel comfortable. They didn’t think I was just trying to sell them something. It’s something I still practice today because I know that receiving a compliment from another woman just feels extra special. It’s arguably more meaningful than a compliment from a man, if you ask me.
So that’s the start of my challenge to you, this effortless way to help women everywhere be more supportive and affirming for one another -- and it’s a lot easier than sparring on a jiu-jitsu mat or trying to climb Red Rocks in Las Vegas! Just offer another woman a random compliment at least once a day in the week ahead. You’ll see that adding a little touch of positivity to someone’s day makes them feel great, and I bet you’ll feel pretty good about yourself as well.
Let’s move away from those mean girl vibes, and start dishing out the compliments, care and support that make all of us realize just how much beautiful power we all possess!